3 DBT Skills for Improving Relationships

Building and maintaining healthy relationships is a vital part of a fulfilling life, but it’s not always easy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers a set of skills specifically designed to improve interpersonal effectiveness, making it easier to navigate conflicts, set boundaries, and nurture meaningful connections. In this post, we will explore three essential DBT skills—DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST—that can transform the way you relate to others. These skills are practical, empowering, and rooted in empathy, offering hope for creating stronger, more satisfying relationships.

DEAR MAN: Asking for What You Need
One of the most common challenges in relationships is effectively expressing our needs without damaging the relationship. DEAR MAN is a structured DBT skill designed to help you assert yourself while maintaining respect for the other person. The acronym stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, stay Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate. For example, if you need a partner to help more with household chores, you might say, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed (Express) because the chores are piling up (Describe). Could we create a schedule to divide them more evenly? (Assert)” This approach fosters clarity and collaboration, ensuring your needs are heard while respecting the other person’s perspective.

GIVE: Strengthening Relationships with Empathy
While it’s important to express your own needs, nurturing relationships also requires showing care and understanding. The GIVE skill focuses on creating and maintaining positive interactions. GIVE stands for Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy manner. For instance, when a friend shares a problem, you might respond gently (“I’m here for you”), show interest (“Tell me more about how you’re feeling”), validate their emotions (“It makes sense you’d feel that way”), and use an easy manner, such as smiling or offering humor when appropriate. GIVE helps create an atmosphere of trust and support, strengthening the bond between you and others.

FAST: Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
Healthy relationships require balance—not only considering the needs of others but also preserving your own self-respect. The FAST skill emphasizes staying true to your values while interacting with others. FAST stands for Fair, Apologies (limited to when necessary), Stick to your values, and Truthful. For example, if a colleague pressures you to take on extra work that you cannot manage, you might say, “I want to help, but I need to stick to my current commitments (Stick to your values). Thank you for understanding.” By using FAST, you ensure that your self-respect remains intact while navigating relational challenges.

A Path Toward Stronger Connections
Improving relationships takes effort, patience, and the right tools. DBT skills like DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST provide actionable strategies to enhance communication, build trust, and maintain self-respect. These skills remind us that relationships thrive on mutual understanding, empathy, and healthy boundaries. Whether you’re resolving a conflict, deepening a friendship, or setting limits, these DBT skills offer a compassionate and hopeful framework for success. With practice, you can create the meaningful and fulfilling connections you deserve.