Domestic violence is rarely primarily about momentary anger or conflict—it is often about power and control. Abusers use a range of tactics, both overt and subtle, to dominate their partners, maintain authority, and undermine independence. These behaviors can include intimidation, emotional abuse, isolating a partner from friends and family, controlling finances, and using threats or coercion. Understanding these dynamics is crucial, as power and control can exist long before physical violence occurs and are often hidden behind everyday interactions that seem “normal” to outsiders.

Recognizing patterns of power and control is the first step toward awareness and prevention. Many survivors may not immediately identify emotional or financial manipulation as abuse, yet these tactics can have deep, lasting effects on self-esteem, mental health, and relationships. Common warning signs include constant monitoring of activities, restricting access to money, verbal belittling, and coercion to enforce compliance. By learning to identify these behaviors, friends, family, and community members can better support survivors and intervene safely when necessary.

Empowerment and hope are possible. Survivors can reclaim autonomy and rebuild confidence with the support of trauma-informed counselors, safe networks, and practical resources. Communities can also play a role by fostering safe spaces, educating members about healthy relationship dynamics, and connecting those in need with help. Awareness, education, and compassionate support can break the cycle of abuse and pave the way for healing and resilience.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available 24/7 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or www.thehotline.org. 

**Although the image below uses gendered terms to describe the abuser and the victim, we acknowledge that abuse is not confined to a singular gender. 

Written by Austen Grafa

​As summer starts to wind down I have noticed a common theme arising with many of my clients. Maybe there is a primal drive encouraging everyone to prepare for winter or maybe there is some grief arising as the warm weather starts to fade away. Either way, a theme of contradicting desires has shown up, specifically between Responsibility and Fun.

We all have parts of ourselves that contradict each other; and two of the most common parts are the “Responsible Part” and the “Fun Part”.

The Responsible part knows that it takes commitment and sacrifice to achieve your goals. They push you to work hard and hold you accountable. When they push too hard this may sound like a harsh inner critic.

The Fun part knows that life is meant to be enjoyed. They pull you to live in the moment and to seek out pleasure and joy. When they have too much control this could pull you into unhealthy or unhelpful habits that could jeopardize the life and relationships you care about.

When both parts are active, the push and pull can be quite confusing or even paralyzing. It can be tempting to think that one of these parts has to win and convince the other part to “get in line” - and depending on your adaptive strategies, you may have a part that often “wins” this internal battle.

But what if this wasn’t a battle to be won?

Each of these parts is doing what it thinks is best for you. Each of these parts deeply care about you and your well being; neither is all right or all wrong. The Responsible part wants you to achieve your goals and the Fun part doesn’t want you to miss out on life in this moment.

What if you were in a relationship with both of these parts? What would an ongoing
conversation between these parts sound like? Is there a way for each part to feel validated? Can you sit and feel the inevitable tension of letting both parts be heard?

Try taking a few deep breaths and notice if both of these parts are alive in you. Without needing to fix or resolve the tension, try breathing into the internal conflict and allow for both parts to be present.