Originally written by Christian Swan on March 23, 2017

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of meeting at Whole Foods with my dear friend Debbie Johnson. I learned about her new book, A Pocketful of Seeds, and we exchanged ideas about ways that we wanted to create positive change in our communities. 

Because I was already at Whole Foods, I decided to buy some groceries following our meeting. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "is there anything new happening in your life?" Intrigued by his question, I explained that I had just had an encouraging meeting and that I was looking forward to growing my private counseling practice. Curious about his life, I returned the question to him. "Nothing new here," he said, "every day just starts to feel like Groundhog Day." He went on to explain to me that he had met another individual who had also described her life as "Groundhog Day" that morning. 

Nearly two weeks have passed since this exchange occurred, and I have struggled to stop thinking about it. I have felt saddened by this individual's description of his life as the "same thing every day," and yet remember times in my life when I felt I would never break out of my dissatisfying routines and habits. 

Before I continue, I want to add that I do not think having a life structured around routine is necessarily bad. I eat two eggs and an apple every morning for breakfast. It's simple and reliable and makes me happy. What would be very unsettling is if I felt trapped by this routine. We've all been there, right? I'm talking about that feeling that you have no control over the trajectory of your life...the feeling that makes even your best efforts seem without purpose...the feeling that no matter what you do, you will be in the same unhealthy relationship or job or stuck with the same unhealthy habit forever. 

We've seen the movie (or maybe the most recent episode of Mindy Project?--anyone?) where the individual relives the same day every day until some conflict is resolved. The lead character doesn't have any control over when his/her life will resume and begins to lose hope until finally--tomorrow comes. While these scenes are certainly entertaining, they possess a quality that our real life does not--powerlessness. These characters have no power over when "tomorrow" will come. 

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW, IN THIS MOMENT, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR FUTURE. 

What sort of change are you seeking in your life? Is it something small like waking up fifteen minutes earlier every morning? Or maybe it's something larger like a job or relationship that takes joy out of life. Sometimes change can feel so overwhelming that we don't know where to start. 

When considering change in your life, start at the finish line. When you picture a "changed" life for yourself, what do you envision? Take some time to write it down and imagine all of the details of this changed life. Next, begin to think about the first small step that would help you get to this goal. And if that step seems too great, think about the smaller step that would help you get there! If creating change still seems too overwhelming, consider speaking with a professional counselor or coach. Working with an objective individual can help you to figure out what is keeping you back from creating effective change in your life. But regardless of how you get there, remember that change IS possible, and that YOU already have what it takes to make it happen. 

Written by Christian Swan, originally published on June 1, 2017

I mentioned the concept of self-care to a new mother a few weeks ago, and she just started laughing at me. Her eyes, darkened by lack of sleep, seemed to shine as she laughed and I couldn't tell if she was going to start crying or laughing louder. Does this woman sound familiar to you? Perhaps you have met this woman before, or she may even be the woman who stares at you in the mirror every morning. In the early days of motherhood, it can be difficult to separate the concept of caring for yourself versus your baby. Comparison, the thief of joy, may also sneak into your thoughts as you begin to see other mothers to "have it together" or have babies with easier temperaments. Self-care must be for those moms. Or maybe, as you compare, you begin to think that self-care is something only selfish people do. Don't these other mothers recognize that they have a child to take care of? Perhaps that should be taking priority over the self. 

I've heard some people refer to the early days of motherhood as "survival mode." As long as you survive that first year of motherhood, you are thriving. But what if I told you that self-care is actually an integral part of that survival? In fact, developing a good self-care practice may actually lead to true thriving instead of the feigned, half-crying, half-laughing insistence that you are doing okay.

A Blow to your Expectations  
Before I became a mother, I would wake up every morning and have a two hour self-care ritual. I exercised for 30 minutes to an hour, cooked breakfast, made hot tea, and sat alone at the table while I enjoyed it. Pre-baby, this is how I would have defined self-care, because it was what nourished me best at the time. Becoming a mother required a shift in my expectations of what self-care would look like. There was absolutely no way this was going to happen after my baby was born (nor has it happened since), as my child seldom left my chest for the first several months of her life. The first step to creating a good self-care ritual postpartum is acknowledgement that self-care will not look the same. This may also involve a period of grief, where you take time to mourn the loss of self-care practices that worked well for you for so long. 

Creating New Rituals 
After you have taken time to grieve (and given yourself grace if this grief took longer than expected), one can begin to redefine self-care as it applies to postpartum life. Are there really ways that you can care for yourself in the first few weeks of motherhood? Yes! While self-care may not be a 2 hour morning routine, or an hour long run, or even a long evening out with girl friends, it is still possible to create meaningful rituals around self-care. Sometimes, self-care may look like mindfulness and self-compassion. As you nourish your baby, can you take time to notice the sensations in your body?  Or, can you practice having compassion for yourself in the middle of the night when you feel too tired to move and the baby is crying again? Can you remind yourself that you are still a good mother if you are wishing you did not have to wake up every 2-3 hours? In my early days of motherhood, I developed my self-care rituals around our nursing schedule. Before nursing, I would notice if I had any needs first. Did I need another pillow behind my back? Did I need to have food in front of me? By creating comfort for myself before nursing, I was able to nurse my child more joyfully instead of focusing on my back pain/hunger/etc. 

It's possible that these recommended rituals don't resonate with you at all, but I invite you to take time today to think about what might be nourishing for you instead. You know yourself and your needs best, and I encourage you to listen to them. 

Remember Why Self-Care Matters
It's very possible that you have read this and still do not believe self-care is necessary--that perhaps it is a luxury only afforded to some mothers. However, my hope is that all mothers will recognize how valuable self-care is, not only for your own mental health, but for your child as well! 

Do you remember hearing a flight attendant talk about putting an oxygen mask onto yourself before putting it on to your child? When I first heard this, I remember thinking that I would always put it on my child first. However, you can't care for your child if you are not breathing! The same concept applies regarding self-care. It is more difficult to give your child the best care he/she needs if you are not creating rituals that will help you thrive during the day. By taking time out of your day to care for yourself, you are setting yourself up for more success as an individual and as a parent. 

What are some ways that you can meaningfully take care of yourself during this new stage of life? If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed regarding the topic of self-care, it could be helpful to reach out to a trusted friend or a mental health professional who is trained in postpartum care. In this new and exhausting stage of life, you and your mental health do truly matter! 

Self-care is a fundamental aspect of maintaining overall well-being, especially for individuals navigating the complexities of trauma and its aftermath. As trauma specialists, We've witnessed the transformative power of self-care in supporting individuals on their healing journeys. In this blog post, we'll explore the definition of self-care, its significance in promoting nervous system healing, and practical strategies for incorporating self-care into your daily life.

At its core, self-care encompasses intentional actions and practices that nurture and replenish the mind, body, and spirit. It involves prioritizing your physical, emotional, and psychological needs, recognizing that caring for yourself is essential for resilience and vitality. Self-care is not selfish or indulgent but rather a vital aspect of maintaining balance and well-being, especially in the face of stress, trauma, and adversity.

When it comes to trauma healing, self-care plays a crucial role in supporting the restoration of the nervous system. Traumatic experiences can dysregulate the autonomic nervous system, leaving individuals in a state of chronic stress, hypervigilance, or dissociation. Self-care practices act as soothing agents to the nervous system, signaling safety and relaxation in the midst of perceived threat. By engaging in self-care activities, individuals can promote nervous system healing, reduce stress levels, and cultivate a greater sense of inner peace and resilience.

Practicing self-care involves tuning into your own needs and preferences and honoring them with compassion and kindness. It's about carving out time and space in your life to prioritize activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Self-care can take many forms, including physical activities like exercise, nourishing your body with healthy food, getting enough restorative sleep, engaging in relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation, and fostering connections with supportive relationships.

As a trauma specialists, we often encourage clients to develop a personalized self-care plan that reflects their unique needs and preferences. This may involve experimenting with different self-care practices to discover what feels most nourishing and fulfilling for them. It's important to approach self-care with a spirit of curiosity, exploration, and self-compassion, recognizing that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being. Remember, self-care is not a luxury but a necessity for thriving in life, and you deserve to prioritize your own well-being.