Written by Christian Swan on July 30, 2017
Last night, I had the opportunity to watch the Colorado Symphony perform the score from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets while the movie itself played behind them. It was a really fun night out with my sister-in-law, as we both love the Harry Potter series and also gained appreciation for the stunning John Williams score. As I reflect on the movie today, there is one line that continues to repeat in my head. At the end of Harry's confrontation with Lord Voldemort, Ginny Weasley is revived and Harry Potter's basilisk injury is healed. Harry looks up at Ginny and says "It's alright Ginny, It's over. It's just a memory." Harry and Ginny have just suffered immense traumas that included actual threat to their lives, and yet in this moment, the traumatic memory is consolidated. Harry recognizes that he is safe, and that the events will now only exist in a memory in his mind. The memory remains, but it has no power over him. In one line, Harry Potter summarized the goal of trauma therapy: successful recognition of one's safety. As many of us know, recognizing that you are safe after experiencing trauma is much easier said than done. Sure, you may have the cognitive realization that you are no longer in danger, but the nervous system often operates as if the trauma is ongoing. This sense of ongoing trauma manifests itself in the form of post-traumatic symptoms such as sleeplessness, panic attacks, flashbacks, irritability, fearfulness, or compulsive behavior. The goal of trauma therapy, then, is not only to know on a cognitive level that one is safe, but to develop coping skills around the post-traumatic symptoms so that the nervous system can start signaling that one is truly safe. Each individual heals from trauma differently. Some, like our friend Harry Potter, may integrate the traumatic story more quickly. However, others may continue to suffer from post-traumatic symptoms for months or years after the traumatic event. Where are you in your healing from trauma? Perhaps you have achieved complete healing and can say confidently, "This event happened to me and is part of my story, but it is now only a memory." Perhaps you are experiencing some of the symptoms I mentioned above. It's also possible that you fall somewhere in the middle. Some traumatized individuals may function at a high level, while frequently feeling blindsided by irritability, anxiety, or memories of the traumatic event. If you are considering whether or not you might pursue counseling for your trauma, I encourage you to think back on the event and try Harry's statement: "it's alright; it's over; it's just a memory." How does that sit with you? Are you able to believe yourself, visiting the memory from a distance, or do thoughts of the event trigger anxiety and fearfulness? If you responded with the latter, I want you to know that there is hope, and that you don't have to live a life haunted by your trauma. With counseling, you can begin the healing work of returning to a safe place not only in the world, but also within your own body.
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Written by Allison Harvey
Trauma survivors have gone through something that challenged every part of them, most significantly their sense of safety. Their needs are personal, unique to their personality and circumstances, and often quite delicate. Naming these needs creates space for trauma survivors to feel safe, work toward healing and maintain connection with loved ones. Physical Needs On a very basic level, trauma survivors have a need for safety and security. Through their traumatic incident(s), they learned to be on guard and watchful. Trauma survivors need a physical location where they can let their guard down and rest. Trauma survivors also need access to medical and psychological care—professionals to come alongside them and nurture their physical and emotional self back to health. Trauma survivors also need adequate nutrition and sleep. Tending to these basic needs helps to heal a nervous system that felt a strong lack of safety. Emotional Needs Those who have survived trauma(s) have a strong need for emotional understanding, empathy and validation. When they are ready to share about their story, they need to be received with compassion, support and validation that says “what you are feeling makes sense to me.” Trauma survivors can also be supported with emotional skills that help them navigate trauma triggers and a large emotional burden while they are healing. Social Needs Trauma healing happens within a safe, understanding and supportive relationship(s). Those who have survived trauma need their people to remain open to them. Trauma healing can be messy and indirect, so survivors need compassion and grace to learn to feel safe in relationships again. Survivors may need more accommodations so that they can stay regulated, and this may look like them setting boundaries or asking for certain changes. Connecting with others who are healing from trauma can be very beneficial as well. Psychological Needs Professionals who are supporting trauma survivors should be trauma-informed and have a path toward healing in mind. Psychological care should be gentle and paced by the survivor. Professionals should respect the trauma survivor’s wishes to tell their story or not, knowing that healing can happen either way. Trauma survivors benefit greatly from learning and practicing coping mechanisms and stress management techniques. All of these activities support the survivor to rebuild trust, regain resilience and personal strength. Written by Christian Swan on March 16, 2017
I still remember my exact location and can nearly return to the sensations I felt in my body the moment I got the text message. I remember reading the words, "active shooter," from my husband who was in his office on that sunny day in June. While my husband returned home safely that evening, there is no arguing that he suffered a major traumatic incident. In the days and weeks that followed, my husband and I received an overwhelming amount of support. Our phones were overloaded with text messages and calls from loved ones, and we even received a few free meals. I was very thankful for the community we had at the time, and yet noticed a common thread in all of the support we were receiving. "How is your husband? Is he doing better?" people would ask me. I would answer their questions, and they felt relieved to hear that my husband was healing well. However, I was still suffering, and I struggled to advocate for the support I needed at the time. As the loved one of a survivor of trauma, I also became a survivor of secondary/vicarious trauma. Secondary trauma occurs as a result of secondary exposure to traumatic content. When our loved ones are impacted by trauma, we want to listen to their story and help in any way possible. And yet, it is too easily to overlook the effects their stories have on our own bodies. These effects can manifest themselves in various ways, from sleep disturbance to irritability to excessive fear and worry. Do you have a loved one who recently survived a traumatic event? Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed and excessively tired as you seek to provide care. You may also find yourself struggling to find meaningful ways to support your loved one. Below are some ways that you can support yourself during this time: 1.) Honor your experience as a secondary survivor of trauma. Often, secondary survivors feel guilty when they become overwhelmed by their loved one's story. It is too easy to say, "I need to stop feeling badly because the trauma didn't happen directly to me." Instead, consider the effects that these stories are having on your body and take time to name your own traumatic experiencing. 2.) Seek activities that nourish you. Some ideas may be getting outside, practicing yoga or meditation, going to a concert, calling a close friend, or taking a nap. What activities help you feel refreshed? Pursue them. 3.) Consider professional counseling. Taking time to focus on your own experience will not only help you to heal but will also give you more freedom to care for your loved one. "Traumatic events are extraordinary, not because they occur rarely, but rather because they overwhelm the ordinary human adaptations to life."
- Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery When you hear the word, "trauma," what comes to mind? Growing up, I placed trauma in a category of things I only heard about on the news. Events like plane crashes, robbery at gunpoint, or natural disasters made sense to me. Of course they were big and terrible and traumatic--the news said so! However, as I got older, I realized that there was much more grey area about what was actually considered trauma or not. Some trauma is publicized, but other times thoughts about it can become so difficult that even one's closest friends do not know about it. Furthermore, trauma to one person may not be considered trauma to another. In these cases, is it still considered trauma? While some trauma can take a very clear and pervasive form, like in the cases I mentioned above, it can also be more subtle and even happen over a period of time. Often, individuals do not seek out the counseling treatment they need because they do not feel like their experiences were "bad enough." If you are wondering if you have experienced trauma and should consider counseling, I recommend asking yourself two questions. First, do you have experiences in your life that you would define as traumatic? I'm not asking whether your aunt or the newspaper or your Facebook feed calls it traumatic. Instead, I want to know how YOU feel about your experiences. If you have experienced an event in your life that you define as traumatic and want to talk about it, I would urge you to consider calling a counselor. You may be surprised by how healing it is to have your story of trauma validated by an objective individual. Perhaps you are certain you have experienced trauma, but still do not know if you should consider counseling. In that case, my second question to you is this: are you having difficulties in life that you did not have before the trauma occurred? For example, you may find that you struggle to sleep through the night, have an increased/decreased appetite, or have difficulty completing tasks efficiently at work or school. Or maybe the experience of the trauma has become so pervasive that you can't seem to stop thinking about it. By seeing a counselor, you can begin to develop coping skills that will reduce your post-traumatic symptoms and help you feel more functional in your daily life. If you can answer yes to one or both of these questions, it may be time to consider reaching out for trauma therapy. Healing is possible when you are willing to commit the time to properly honor your story in the context of a safe relationship. Written by Christian Swan on March 09, 2017 Practicing this DBT Skill can help us stay grounded and connected this holiday season! Mindfulness is a skill that, when practiced regularly, is a great tool to reduce stress, connect with our personal goals and create genuine connection with others. The holidays can be rich in memory, sentiment and relationship. They can also be full of family expectations, grief and reminders of trauma. These, and many more experiences, can overwhelm, cause us to disregard our own needs, and flood us with many different emotions. In order to enjoy the positive aspects of the holiday and skillfully navigate the challenges, try practicing mindfulness throughout your holiday season!
Mindfulness has three components:
Mindfulness as Stress-Reduction For many, the holiday season means a busy schedule and many more tasks and to-dos than normal. Practicing mindfulness in the midst of the whirlwind helps to produce moments of calm to catch our breath and remember our priorities. Mindfulness also helps us evaluate where our time and energy are going and make the most intentional decisions for ourselves in this season. Mindfulness as Social Support Paying attention to the present moment, without judgement can give us a lot of important information about what is happening in a room, or in a conversation. In the midst of a holiday gathering, take a moment to simply observe what is happening inside and outside of yourself. Allow yourself the gift of a few deeper breaths. Notice who is talking with who, and what those dynamics are like. Notice what is happening inside yourself as you connect with different people. Hold this information lightly and without judgement, and allow this information to guide your interactions. Mindfulness to support Intentional Decisions If you find yourself navigating a lot of spoken and/or unspoken expectations over the holidays, mindfulness skills can help you identify your needs and desires and to stay connected to them throughout the season. Spend some intentional moments noticing where you would like your time and energy to go this season, what would make it memorable and special for you and yours. Notice how other’s expectations are making you feel, especially if those expectations cause you to disregard your own needs and desires. Give yourself the gift of staying connected to yourself and your values, which becomes a much more congruent and grounded holiday experience. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers a set of skills to help with many different emotional and relational difficulties. The four pillars of DBT are Mindfulness, Emotion Regulation, Interpersonal Effectiveness and Distress Tolerance. Each of these pillars offers a number of skills to practice in that area. I have selected three DBT skills that I believe can make a significant difference for those managing depression.
Depression is an experience that includes a slow-down or freeze response in the nervous system. People managing depression may feel numb, detached, hopeless and sad. These internal experiences may cause them to isolate from relationships, get stuck in their difficult emotions, struggle to complete normal activities. Often, those managing depression feel misunderstood by the people in their life, especially when they are encouraged to “think positively” and “just get over it.” In fact, people managing depression are often expending enormous effort to engage in their life in the most simple ways. The following set of DBT skills can be used together or individually to improve depression symptoms and help catalyze healing and forward movement. 1.Emotion Regulation Skill: Opposite Action When we are using Emotional Regulation skills, we are paying attention to whether or not our emotions fit the situation we are in. Opposite Action is a skill that we reach for when we have determined that our emotions DO NOT fit the facts of the situation. This is often the case with depression. Depression is like a lens that makes life look harder and sadder than it actually is. All emotions have an action urge, an instinctual action that the emotion makes us want to do. When our emotions DO NOT fit the situation, we benefit from acting opposite to the action urge. Here are some common emotions experienced in depression and suggestions for opposite action.
2.Interpersonal Effectiveness Skill: Making Requests Making Requests is a relationship skill that is very closely related to making boundaries. Requests highlight what we need from another person. While they can be vulnerable to make, they are also vital to communicating our needs with others. Loved ones are not mind-readers and need invitations and instructions to know how to care for those managing depression. People experiencing depression are almost always misunderstood by the people who care for them most. Unless they have experienced depression themselves, loved ones will likely minimize the depressed experience. From the outside, it may appear that it would only take a few simple steps to recover from depression. If only that were true. In order to stay connected with loved ones and to receive the care they absolutely need, those managing depression need to lean into this skill of making requests. They need to speak about how they are feeling and the effort they are expending to engage with their lives. They need to ask their loved ones to be patient with them, to use encouraging language, to offer comfort and presence rather than solutions. 3.Distress Tolerance Skill: Radical Acceptance We reach for distress tolerance skills when we are going through circumstances that are too big and/or too hard for us to change. Depression often comes on the tails of a big and hard life event, such as the loss of a loved one, a difficult transition, a painful event or unmovable circumstances. When there is truly nothing we can do to change our circumstances, we need to shift our focus toward acceptance. We are using radical acceptance skills when we work to create openness and willingness toward our difficult circumstances. Willingness is a powerful mindset shift and means that we will stop fighting against what is inevitable. Endlessly fighting against unfavorable circumstances is a recipe for suffering. Pain is inevitable in our lives, but suffering is a choice. We can still live meaningful lives in the midst of painful circumstances. When we give up the fight, we are more able to find acceptance. . . and peace. Living with depression can be a completely consuming experience. Those experiencing depression can have symptoms like persistent sadness, hopelessness, lethargy, low self-esteem, guilt, worthlessness, and more. These symptoms exist on a spectrum from mild to severe and short to long-term. Living day to day with depression feels heavy, aimless and dark. Often people suffering from depression are told to change their mindset in order to recover. We know that change must come from a much deeper place. In fact, living day to day with depression requires enormous amounts of courage and perseverance, and it helps those who are suffering to have this acknowledged and validated. Depression has several different causes and sources. There are strong inherited patterns for major depression. There are also significant hormonal impacts, especially in post-partum depression and pre-menstrual depressive disorder. Personality also has a strong influence on mood and energy and motivation. All of these different also create causes can also produce a predisposed sensitivity to depression. This blog post is to highlight when life circumstances or traumas are the source of depression. When this is the case, it is the nervous system that is leading the body and mind toward depression. And as such, treatment will need to be focused on healing the nervous system and helping the client work toward a different nervous system state. When the nervous system (read: trauma, overwhelm, life circumstances) is causing depression, healing must happen deeply in the autonomic (involuntary) nervous system. To understand the nervous system impact and the healing of nerves, we need to understand the Window of Tolerance. When we are in the window of tolerance, we are grounded, flexible and able to roll with the ups and downs of life. When we have a good amount of resilience, our window of tolerance is large and we are able to handle significant challenges without becoming too dysregulated. When we are under a lot of stress, our window of tolerance shrinks and we start to experience hyper or hypo arousal. Let’s discuss these nervous system states that exist outside of the window of tolerance. When we experience overwhelming stressors, we become dysregulated in one of two different directions, sometimes cycling between the two. We can become activated and have a flood of anxious or angry energy wash through our body (hyperaroused). Or we can become deactivated and experience numbness and a shut down response (hypoarousal). This hypoaroused state is the embodiment of depression. This is how stressors or traumas cause depression.
Hypoarousal symptoms also exist on a spectrum. On the milder side, we might experience tiredness, brain fog and a slump in energy. When hypoarousal is heightened, one might experience emotional numbness, dissociation, and even catatonia. Sometimes, we end up in this depressed state after an extended period of stress. It’s like our system is saying that it can’t handle that level of activation for that long and it shuts down. In other words, depression can be caused by a nervous system shut down. So, what does our nervous system need when it is in this shut down state? Sometimes, it simply needs a break. It needs rest from the hyper-activated state. The nerve that runs these activation pathways has become raw and overworked and needs to be soothed. The nervous system also has a significant need for connection when it is in this state of shut down. It needs a form of connection that is accepting, supportive and understanding. The nervous system also needs a way to process or integrate the overwhelming emotions that shut it down in the first place. This typically needs to happen at a slow and measured pace, so not to overwhelm again. These interventions serve as a ladder that helps us climb out of the shut down state, closer and closer to that window of tolerance. For a sustained healing process, we also need to take a good look at our lifestyle. When healing from a nervous system shut down, we need to choose a gentle pace of life, avoiding any additional stressors when possible. We can boost our nervous system health with meditation and mindfulness skills. We can invest in sustainable sleep habits that allow our entire system to regenerate every night. Gentle, joyful movement practices can also lift us out of shut down or depression. We at Benediction honor your nervous system and it’s inherent needs and functions, and we know how to move you out of harmful nervous system pathways. We can help you reconnect with yourself and with others by bringing your system back into balance in that lovely window of tolerance. |
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