Supporting a loved one who is being harmed in an abusive relationship can feel overwhelming, confusing, and emotionally taxing, but your care and presence can make a significant difference. The most important thing to remember is that abuse is never the survivor’s fault, and leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and sometimes dangerous. Approach your loved one with empathy, patience, and nonjudgmental listening. Let them know you believe them, that you are there for them, and that their safety and autonomy are your top priorities. 

Education about the dynamics of abuse can empower you to provide more effective support. Understanding tactics like coercive control, manipulation, and isolation helps you recognize the seriousness of the situation without pressuring your loved one to act before they are ready. Encourage them to connect with trained professionals, such as domestic violence advocates, therapists, or local support organizations, and offer to help find resources or accompany them if they wish. Avoid making ultimatums or trying to “rescue” them, as this can sometimes increase feelings of shame or fear. Your role is to provide a steady, compassionate presence, validating their experiences while respecting their choices.
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Your support can foster hope and a sense of empowerment for someone experiencing abuse. Remind them that they are not alone and that help exists, from hotlines and shelters to counseling and legal advocacy. Practice patience with yourself as well—supporting a loved one through abuse can bring up strong emotions and challenges. Remember to maintain your own boundaries and seek guidance when needed so you can continue being a steady, compassionate presence. By offering empathy, understanding, and informed support, you help your loved one recognize their strength and take steps toward safety, healing, and reclaiming their autonomy.

Domestic violence can impact a child’s development, behavior, and relationships. Exposure to abuse is linked to difficulties with emotional regulation, social interactions, and academic performance. Some children may become withdrawn, anxious, or depressed, while others may act out with anger or aggression. Long-term effects can include challenges with trust, forming healthy relationships, and coping with stress. Understanding these potential impacts allows caregivers, educators, and mental health professionals to provide appropriate support and interventions, helping children feel safe, heard, and valued.

​When children are exposed to domestic violence, ensuring their safety is the first and most urgent priority. Caregivers can take practical steps to protect children while providing emotional support:

1. Develop a Safety Plan – Identify safe areas in the home, escape routes, and emergency contacts. Prepare a “go bag” with essentials such as clothing, important documents, and medications. If leaving the home, plan a safe location in advance, such as a trusted family member’s home or a local shelter.
   
2. Reach Out to Professionals – Contact trained advocates, domestic violence shelters, child protective services, or law enforcement for guidance. These professionals can help you navigate safe removal, temporary housing, and legal protections. Hotlines, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE), offer 24/7 support and resources.
   
3. Provide Emotional Support – Talk to children in age-appropriate ways about their feelings, reassuring them that the abuse is not their fault. Encourage them to express themselves through conversation, art, or journaling. Consistency, routines, and a calm environment help children feel secure during transitions.
   
4. Connect to Ongoing Care – Counseling, support groups, and therapy specialized in trauma can help children process their experiences, build resilience, and develop healthy coping skills. Caregivers should also seek support for themselves to maintain emotional strength while assisting children.
   

By taking these steps, caregivers can protect children from immediate harm while supporting their emotional well-being. Awareness, preparation, and professional guidance empower families to navigate these challenging situations safely, helping children heal, feel valued, and reclaim a sense of security.

Understanding the cycle of abuse is a crucial step in recognizing unhealthy relationships and taking steps toward safety and healing. Abuse often follows a repeating pattern rather than occurring as a single event. The cycle typically includes phases such as tension building, the abusive incident, reconciliation, and a calm “honeymoon” period. During the tension-building phase, stress and strain escalate, often leaving the victim feeling anxious, fearful, or walking on eggshells. The abusive incident may involve physical, emotional, or verbal harm, while the reconciliation phase might include apologies, gifts, or promises to change. The calm phase can feel safe and loving, which often makes leaving the relationship more complicated. Understanding these phases helps victims see that the abuse is not their fault and that it is a pattern of control, not isolated mistakes.

It’s important to recognize that the cycle of abuse is rooted in power and control. Abusers often use tactics such as coercive control, manipulation, isolation, and intimidation to maintain dominance over their partner. These behaviors can erode a person’s sense of self, autonomy, and confidence. Education about this cycle empowers individuals to identify warning signs early, set boundaries, and seek support. Friends, family, and community members also play a vital role by offering understanding, listening without judgment, and connecting survivors to resources. Awareness of these patterns can transform feelings of confusion and self-blame into clarity and self-compassion.
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Breaking free from the cycle of abuse is possible, though it often requires courage, planning, and support. Survivors can access help through domestic violence hotlines, shelters, counseling, and legal advocacy. Healing is not linear, and it’s normal to experience a range of emotions as one navigates safety, recovery, and self-discovery. By learning about the cycle of abuse, recognizing coercive behaviors, and knowing that support is available, survivors can reclaim their sense of power and agency. 

Domestic violence is rarely primarily about momentary anger or conflict—it is often about power and control. Abusers use a range of tactics, both overt and subtle, to dominate their partners, maintain authority, and undermine independence. These behaviors can include intimidation, emotional abuse, isolating a partner from friends and family, controlling finances, and using threats or coercion. Understanding these dynamics is crucial, as power and control can exist long before physical violence occurs and are often hidden behind everyday interactions that seem “normal” to outsiders.

Recognizing patterns of power and control is the first step toward awareness and prevention. Many survivors may not immediately identify emotional or financial manipulation as abuse, yet these tactics can have deep, lasting effects on self-esteem, mental health, and relationships. Common warning signs include constant monitoring of activities, restricting access to money, verbal belittling, and coercion to enforce compliance. By learning to identify these behaviors, friends, family, and community members can better support survivors and intervene safely when necessary.

Empowerment and hope are possible. Survivors can reclaim autonomy and rebuild confidence with the support of trauma-informed counselors, safe networks, and practical resources. Communities can also play a role by fostering safe spaces, educating members about healthy relationship dynamics, and connecting those in need with help. Awareness, education, and compassionate support can break the cycle of abuse and pave the way for healing and resilience.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available 24/7 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or www.thehotline.org. 

**Although the image below uses gendered terms to describe the abuser and the victim, we acknowledge that abuse is not confined to a singular gender. 

Written by Sam Wilde

What is Somatic Awareness?
The term somatic refers to the body (Merriam-Webster, 2025). Somatic awareness is the ability to notice and track physical sensations in the body. This might be easier said than done, depending on one’s relationship to their body and whether or not they have experienced trauma. Dissociation is a common coping strategy and survival tool used by those who have experienced trauma. Trauma occurs when something is too much, too fast for us to handle. Dissociation is one way the brain protects us from experiencing the weight of a traumatic event as it occurs or thereafter. The problem is that unprocessed emotions live in our bodies and can create muscle tension and chronic pain. Somatic therapy can provide a safe container for clients to sequence unprocessed emotions through their body and release them.

Here is a simple assessment of somatic awareness that you can try at home. Choose a song to listen to. Find a comfortable position, take a few cycles of deep breaths, and begin to bring your awareness to your body. What sensations do you feel in your body as you listen? What emotions do you notice? What thoughts do you notice? Try not to attach to any thoughts that arise, simply let them come and go, like passing clouds. Do you notice any movement impulses in your body? If so, maybe see what it’s like to follow them. When the song ends, take a few moments to journal what you noticed. Use the form below for inspiration. If you don’t notice any physical sensations during the song, that is good information too! Do you feel numb? Can you feel your heartbeat or find your pulse? Can you feel your feet on the ground or your back against a chair? No sensation is too small to notice.

Practicing somatic awareness is one way to reclaim your sovereign right to inhabit your body fully. This is a life-long journey that is best practiced both solo and in community, with trusted guides and compassion for self and others.

Somatic Awareness Assessment
Instructions: Choose a song to listen to. As the song plays, notice what emotions, physical sensations, thoughts, and movement impulses arise for you. Circle them below or fill in the blanks. 

Emotions
Happy
Sad
Fear
Disgust
Anger
Surprise
Curious
Depressed
Anxious
Aversion
Aggressive
Excited
Proud
Lonely
Embarrassed
Disappointed
Annoyed
Confused
__________
__________
__________ 

Physical Sensations
Smile
Tears
Tense
Face scrunch
Clenched jaw
Sweaty palms
Warmth
Emptiness
Racing heart
Nauseous
Feeling hot
Brow-furrow
Calm
Numb
Frozen
Lump in throat
Clenched fists
Quick breathing
__________
__________
__________ 

Movement Impulses
Wiggle
Curl into a ball
Run
Cover face with hands
Stomp
Raised eyebrows
Spin
Hide
Shaking legs
Push away
Punch Jump
Open arms
Lay on floor
Wringing hands
Back up
Headbang
Kick
__________
__________
__________ 

What thoughts arose for you during this exercise? 
_____________________________________________

Life can present moments of intense emotional distress where coping feels nearly impossible. During these times, having tools to navigate the storm can make all the difference. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers crisis survival skills that are designed to help you endure and reduce emotional pain in the short term, ensuring safety and stability. In this post, we will explore three essential DBT skills for crisis survival: TIPP, Distraction, and Radical Acceptance. These skills are practical, compassionate, and provide a lifeline during moments of overwhelming distress.

TIPP: Regaining Control Through Your Body
When emotions feel out of control, the TIPP skill can help you regulate your body to calm your mind. TIPP stands for Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Progressive muscle relaxation. For instance, placing an ice pack on your forehead or submerging your face in cold water (Temperature) can activate your body’s dive reflex, reducing emotional intensity. Similarly, engaging in a brief but vigorous workout (Intense exercise) can burn off excess energy. Paced breathing and progressive muscle relaxation further help by slowing your heart rate and easing physical tension. TIPP is especially helpful in bringing immediate relief when emotions feel unmanageable.

Distraction: Creating Space from the Pain
Sometimes, the best way to survive a crisis is to temporarily shift your focus. The Distraction skill encourages you to engage in activities that divert your attention from the distressing situation. This might involve calling a friend, watching a favorite show, organizing your space, or immersing yourself in a creative hobby. The key is to choose something that occupies your mind and prevents you from dwelling on the pain. While distraction doesn’t solve the root problem, it provides the mental space needed to return to the situation with a calmer perspective.

Radical Acceptance: Finding Peace in What Is
In moments of crisis, fighting against reality can amplify suffering. Radical Acceptance is the practice of fully acknowledging the situation as it is, without judgment or resistance. This doesn’t mean you approve of or like the situation; rather, it’s about recognizing that reality exists, whether or not we agree with it. For example, if you’re dealing with a sudden loss, Radical Acceptance involves saying, “This is painful, and it’s happening.” By letting go of the internal struggle, you can reduce additional layers of emotional pain and begin to focus on what you can control.

A Lifeline in the Storm
Crisis survival skills like TIPP, Distraction, and Radical Acceptance are not about fixing everything at once—they are about enduring the moment and creating a bridge to stability. These tools remind us that no matter how intense the emotional storm, there are ways to navigate through it. With practice, these skills can become a reliable part of your mental health toolkit, empowering you to face challenges with resilience and hope. Remember, you are not alone, and seeking support from a trusted professional or loved one can further strengthen your path to healing.

Building and maintaining healthy relationships is a vital part of a fulfilling life, but it’s not always easy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers a set of skills specifically designed to improve interpersonal effectiveness, making it easier to navigate conflicts, set boundaries, and nurture meaningful connections. In this post, we will explore three essential DBT skills—DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST—that can transform the way you relate to others. These skills are practical, empowering, and rooted in empathy, offering hope for creating stronger, more satisfying relationships.

DEAR MAN: Asking for What You Need
One of the most common challenges in relationships is effectively expressing our needs without damaging the relationship. DEAR MAN is a structured DBT skill designed to help you assert yourself while maintaining respect for the other person. The acronym stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, stay Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate. For example, if you need a partner to help more with household chores, you might say, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed (Express) because the chores are piling up (Describe). Could we create a schedule to divide them more evenly? (Assert)” This approach fosters clarity and collaboration, ensuring your needs are heard while respecting the other person’s perspective.

GIVE: Strengthening Relationships with Empathy
While it’s important to express your own needs, nurturing relationships also requires showing care and understanding. The GIVE skill focuses on creating and maintaining positive interactions. GIVE stands for Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy manner. For instance, when a friend shares a problem, you might respond gently (“I’m here for you”), show interest (“Tell me more about how you’re feeling”), validate their emotions (“It makes sense you’d feel that way”), and use an easy manner, such as smiling or offering humor when appropriate. GIVE helps create an atmosphere of trust and support, strengthening the bond between you and others.

FAST: Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
Healthy relationships require balance—not only considering the needs of others but also preserving your own self-respect. The FAST skill emphasizes staying true to your values while interacting with others. FAST stands for Fair, Apologies (limited to when necessary), Stick to your values, and Truthful. For example, if a colleague pressures you to take on extra work that you cannot manage, you might say, “I want to help, but I need to stick to my current commitments (Stick to your values). Thank you for understanding.” By using FAST, you ensure that your self-respect remains intact while navigating relational challenges.

A Path Toward Stronger Connections
Improving relationships takes effort, patience, and the right tools. DBT skills like DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST provide actionable strategies to enhance communication, build trust, and maintain self-respect. These skills remind us that relationships thrive on mutual understanding, empathy, and healthy boundaries. Whether you’re resolving a conflict, deepening a friendship, or setting limits, these DBT skills offer a compassionate and hopeful framework for success. With practice, you can create the meaningful and fulfilling connections you deserve.

Navigating trauma triggers can be an overwhelming and disorienting experience, but Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers effective tools to help individuals regain a sense of safety and control. DBT, developed by psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan, is a therapy designed to balance acceptance and change, making it particularly helpful for those managing intense emotional responses. In this post, we will explore three DBT skills—Grounding, Opposite Action, and Self-Soothe—that can be transformative in navigating trauma triggers. These skills are practical, adaptable, and offer a pathway to resilience and healing.

Grounding: Anchoring Yourself in the Present Moment
Trauma triggers often pull us into the past, making it difficult to stay connected to the present. Grounding techniques serve as anchors to the "now," helping you to focus on what is real and immediate. A simple yet powerful grounding exercise is the "5-4-3-2-1" method: identify five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This exercise gently redirects your attention to your current surroundings, reducing the intensity of the emotional response. Grounding not only interrupts the cycle of reactivity but also reinforces your sense of safety and presence. Remember, you are not in the past—you are here, and you are safe.

Opposite Action: Choosing Empowerment Over Avoidance
When faced with a trauma trigger, the natural response might be to avoid or withdraw. While this instinct is understandable, it can sometimes reinforce feelings of fear and helplessness. Opposite Action, a DBT skill, involves intentionally engaging in behaviors that counteract these urges. For example, if a trigger makes you want to isolate, you might choose to call a supportive friend or take a walk in a safe, public place. This skill requires practice and courage, but it can gradually weaken the power of the trigger and strengthen your sense of agency. By challenging avoidance, you’re affirming that you are stronger than your fears and capable of reclaiming your life.

Self-Soothe: Nurturing Yourself with Compassion
Triggers can leave you feeling raw and vulnerable, which is why the Self-Soothe skill is so vital. This DBT skill encourages you to engage your senses in comforting, nurturing activities. Consider lighting a scented candle, wrapping yourself in a soft blanket, or listening to calming music. The goal is to create an environment that fosters relaxation and safety. By treating yourself with kindness and care, you’re sending a powerful message to your nervous system: it’s okay to relax, and you deserve comfort. Self-soothing not only eases the immediate distress but also builds a foundation of self-compassion that supports long-term healing.

A Path Toward Healing
The journey through trauma is not linear, and it’s natural to encounter moments of struggle along the way. However, integrating DBT skills like Grounding, Opposite Action, and Self-Soothe can equip you with tools to navigate even the most challenging triggers. Each skill is a step toward reclaiming your power, rebuilding your resilience, and reconnecting with your sense of self. Healing is not about erasing the past but learning to live fully in the present, and these skills provide a hopeful and actionable pathway to do just that. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and support is always available to help you move forward.

Healing mental health disorders is a multifaceted journey that requires addressing the diverse and interconnected factors contributing to an individual’s well-being. The bio-psycho-social-spiritual model provides a comprehensive framework for understanding and treating mental health issues, emphasizing the importance of integrating biological, psychological, social, and spiritual dimensions. This holistic approach ensures that treatment is personalized and addresses the unique needs of each individual, fostering a more effective and enduring recovery process.
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Biological aspects of healing involve medical interventions such as medication and lifestyle changes that can significantly impact mental health. For instance, medications like antidepressants or antipsychotics can help regulate neurochemical imbalances, providing stability for individuals to engage more fully in their healing journey. Additionally, lifestyle modifications such as movement, mindfulness, and adequate sleep are crucial in supporting overall brain health and reducing symptoms of mental health disorders. These biological interventions are often most effective when combined with other therapeutic approaches.

Psychological, social, and spiritual healing are equally vital in the recovery process. Psychological therapies, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), help individuals develop healthier relationship patterns and emotional expression. Trauma, somatic and polyvagal therapies help to regulate the nervous system. Increasing social support, building strong relationships with family and friends and involvement in community activities, provides a sense of belonging and reduces feelings of isolation. Supporting spirituality, whether through religious practices, meditation, or a personal sense of purpose, can offer profound comfort and resilience. By nurturing all these dimensions, individuals can build a robust foundation for healing, creating a life filled with hope, connection, and meaning. Meeting with a skilled and sensitive mental health therapist can support each and/or all of these dimensions of a person’s mental health, diminishing, and sometimes eliminating, the effects of mental health disorders.

In the wake of trauma, amidst the pain and challenges, there exists a profound opportunity for growth and resilience known as post-traumatic growth (PTG). This transformative process involves finding meaning, cultivating resilience, and experiencing personal growth in the aftermath of adversity. When healing from trauma, it is essential to understand PTG and how it intertwines with the healing of the nervous system.

Post-traumatic growth is not about minimizing the impact of trauma or dismissing the pain it causes. Instead, it acknowledges that trauma can catalyze profound inner change and transformation. Through PTG, individuals may develop a deeper appreciation for life, experience increased personal strength, forge deeper connections with others, and discover new possibilities for growth and fulfillment.

Central to the process of post-traumatic growth is the healing of the nervous system. Trauma can dysregulate the autonomic nervous system, leaving individuals in a state of chronic stress, hypervigilance, or dissociation. However, through interventions such as trauma-informed therapy, mindfulness practices, and somatic experiencing, it's possible to restore balance and resilience to the nervous system. These approaches help individuals regulate their stress responses, release stored trauma from the body, and cultivate a greater sense of safety and well-being.

Fostering post-traumatic growth requires a safe and supportive therapeutic environment where individuals feel empowered to explore their experiences and emotions. By validating their struggles and offering tools for healing, therapists can guide clients on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Through compassionate listening, empathy, and unconditional positive regard, therapists can help individuals navigate the complexities of trauma and embrace the potential for growth and resilience.

While the path to post-traumatic growth may be challenging, it offers hope and possibility for those who have experienced trauma. By embracing the journey of healing, individuals can cultivate resilience, find meaning in their experiences, and ultimately thrive in the face of adversity. For us therapists, it is a privilege to witness the resilience and strength of individuals as they embark on this transformative journey toward post-traumatic growth.

In conclusion, post-traumatic growth is a testament to the human spirit's capacity for resilience and transformation. By understanding the role of the nervous system in trauma healing and creating a supportive therapeutic environment, trauma specialists can facilitate this process of growth and empowerment. Together, we can honor the courage and resilience of trauma survivors as they navigate the path toward healing, growth, and a renewed sense of purpose.