​Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but understanding the needs of people who struggle with it can bring a sense of hope and healing. Anxiety often originates from an overactive nervous system, which becomes stuck in a state of heightened alertness. For those who experience anxiety, the path to healing involves both addressing the underlying causes and providing the nervous system with the support it needs to return to balance. Here are 10 key needs of anxious people, centered on calming the nervous system and fostering emotional well-being.

1.Safety and Stability: A person with anxiety needs a sense of safety, both physically and emotionally. This means creating a stable, predictable environment where they feel secure. Whether it’s a safe home, supportive relationships, or a calming routine, stability helps the nervous system settle.
2.Validation: Anxious individuals often feel misunderstood or judged. They need their emotions to be validated—knowing that their feelings are real, important, and not something to be dismissed or minimized. Validation creates space for healing by reducing shame and isolation.
3.Calm Environment: A peaceful, low-stimulation environment can do wonders for someone who is anxious. Soft lighting, quiet spaces, and soothing colors help regulate an overstimulated nervous system.
4.Predictability: For people with anxiety, uncertainty can be a major trigger. Predictable routines, clear communication, and planning can ease some of the stress that comes with not knowing what’s next. This gives the brain a break from constantly scanning for danger.
5.Mindfulness and Grounding Practices: Mindfulness, deep breathing, and grounding techniques help anxious individuals bring their nervous systems back to the present moment. These practices engage the parasympathetic nervous system, the body’s natural “rest and digest” mode, helping to calm the fight-or-flight response.
6.Movement and Physical Activity: Gentle movement such as yoga, walking, or stretching can regulate the nervous system and help release built-up tension. Physical activity encourages the production of endorphins and lowers cortisol levels, reducing anxiety and promoting emotional balance.
7.Connection and Support: Anxious people need connection to others. Compassionate, understanding relationships can help them feel less alone in their struggles. Knowing there’s someone who listens and supports them, without judgment, is vital for emotional healing.
8.Adequate Sleep: A nervous system that is constantly on high alert requires rest to repair and restore balance. For anxious individuals, prioritizing healthy sleep habits is critical, as sleep deprivation can exacerbate anxiety symptoms.
9.Nutrition and Hydration: A healthy, balanced diet is essential for nervous system health. Nutrient-dense foods support brain function and emotional regulation, while staying hydrated helps maintain overall physical and mental well-being.
10.Therapeutic Support: Whether it’s talk therapy, medication support, or movement-based therapy, professional support is crucial for those managing anxiety. Working with a therapist can help address underlying issues, teach coping strategies, and guide nervous system healing.

Healing from anxiety is possible, and it begins by recognizing the body’s needs and creating an environment that fosters calm and connection. With the right support—self-care, professional help, and/or community—individuals with anxiety can nurture their nervous system, find relief, and begin to move forward with renewed hope.

Written by Christian Swan, originally published on June 1, 2017

I mentioned the concept of self-care to a new mother a few weeks ago, and she just started laughing at me. Her eyes, darkened by lack of sleep, seemed to shine as she laughed and I couldn't tell if she was going to start crying or laughing louder. Does this woman sound familiar to you? Perhaps you have met this woman before, or she may even be the woman who stares at you in the mirror every morning. In the early days of motherhood, it can be difficult to separate the concept of caring for yourself versus your baby. Comparison, the thief of joy, may also sneak into your thoughts as you begin to see other mothers to "have it together" or have babies with easier temperaments. Self-care must be for those moms. Or maybe, as you compare, you begin to think that self-care is something only selfish people do. Don't these other mothers recognize that they have a child to take care of? Perhaps that should be taking priority over the self. 

I've heard some people refer to the early days of motherhood as "survival mode." As long as you survive that first year of motherhood, you are thriving. But what if I told you that self-care is actually an integral part of that survival? In fact, developing a good self-care practice may actually lead to true thriving instead of the feigned, half-crying, half-laughing insistence that you are doing okay.

A Blow to your Expectations  
Before I became a mother, I would wake up every morning and have a two hour self-care ritual. I exercised for 30 minutes to an hour, cooked breakfast, made hot tea, and sat alone at the table while I enjoyed it. Pre-baby, this is how I would have defined self-care, because it was what nourished me best at the time. Becoming a mother required a shift in my expectations of what self-care would look like. There was absolutely no way this was going to happen after my baby was born (nor has it happened since), as my child seldom left my chest for the first several months of her life. The first step to creating a good self-care ritual postpartum is acknowledgement that self-care will not look the same. This may also involve a period of grief, where you take time to mourn the loss of self-care practices that worked well for you for so long. 

Creating New Rituals 
After you have taken time to grieve (and given yourself grace if this grief took longer than expected), one can begin to redefine self-care as it applies to postpartum life. Are there really ways that you can care for yourself in the first few weeks of motherhood? Yes! While self-care may not be a 2 hour morning routine, or an hour long run, or even a long evening out with girl friends, it is still possible to create meaningful rituals around self-care. Sometimes, self-care may look like mindfulness and self-compassion. As you nourish your baby, can you take time to notice the sensations in your body?  Or, can you practice having compassion for yourself in the middle of the night when you feel too tired to move and the baby is crying again? Can you remind yourself that you are still a good mother if you are wishing you did not have to wake up every 2-3 hours? In my early days of motherhood, I developed my self-care rituals around our nursing schedule. Before nursing, I would notice if I had any needs first. Did I need another pillow behind my back? Did I need to have food in front of me? By creating comfort for myself before nursing, I was able to nurse my child more joyfully instead of focusing on my back pain/hunger/etc. 

It's possible that these recommended rituals don't resonate with you at all, but I invite you to take time today to think about what might be nourishing for you instead. You know yourself and your needs best, and I encourage you to listen to them. 

Remember Why Self-Care Matters
It's very possible that you have read this and still do not believe self-care is necessary--that perhaps it is a luxury only afforded to some mothers. However, my hope is that all mothers will recognize how valuable self-care is, not only for your own mental health, but for your child as well! 

Do you remember hearing a flight attendant talk about putting an oxygen mask onto yourself before putting it on to your child? When I first heard this, I remember thinking that I would always put it on my child first. However, you can't care for your child if you are not breathing! The same concept applies regarding self-care. It is more difficult to give your child the best care he/she needs if you are not creating rituals that will help you thrive during the day. By taking time out of your day to care for yourself, you are setting yourself up for more success as an individual and as a parent. 

What are some ways that you can meaningfully take care of yourself during this new stage of life? If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed regarding the topic of self-care, it could be helpful to reach out to a trusted friend or a mental health professional who is trained in postpartum care. In this new and exhausting stage of life, you and your mental health do truly matter!