After the loss of a loved one, it’s common to experience heightened sensitivity and lower tolerance levels. Grief often leaves us feeling raw and exposed, as though our emotional defenses have been stripped away. Even small, everyday stressors can feel overwhelming, and things that might not have bothered us before can suddenly seem unbearable. This heightened sensitivity is a natural response to the intense emotions and vulnerability that accompany grief, and it can impact everything from how we interact with others to how we manage daily tasks.
Understanding these changes in emotional sensitivity is an important part of navigating grief. The nervous system is in a heightened state, reacting more strongly to stimuli that would otherwise be manageable. This can lead to feelings of irritability, frustration, or even anger in situations where we might usually feel more at ease. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings without judgment, recognizing that they are a normal part of the grieving process. Giving yourself permission to set boundaries, take breaks, and practice self-care can help in managing this increased sensitivity. While the heightened sensitivity and lower tolerance levels can be challenging, they are also temporary. Over time, as the intensity of grief begins to lessen, emotional resilience gradually returns. By being gentle with yourself and allowing space for these emotions, you can move through this phase with greater ease. It’s also a time when leaning on supportive relationships can be incredibly helpful, as understanding and compassionate companions can provide a safe space to express and process these intense feelings. With patience and self-compassion, it’s possible to navigate this difficult time and eventually find a place of greater emotional balance and healing.
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The loss of a loved one often brings with it the need to learn new roles, a process that can feel both overwhelming and daunting. When someone close to us passes away, the roles they played in our lives—whether as a partner, parent, friend, or caregiver—leave a void that can be challenging to fill. The grieving person may find themselves stepping into responsibilities they never anticipated, such as managing finances, taking care of household tasks, or making decisions that were once shared. This shift can add a layer of stress to the grief process, making it important to approach these changes with patience and self-compassion.
Learning new roles during grief is not just about acquiring new skills; it's also about redefining one's identity in the wake of loss. It can be difficult to adjust to life without the presence of the loved one, and stepping into their role can feel like an emotional burden. However, it's crucial to remember that this is a gradual process, and it's okay to ask for help along the way. Friends, family members, and grief therapists can provide guidance and assistance, easing the transition and ensuring that the grieving person doesn't feel isolated in their new responsibilities. While the process of learning new roles after a loss is undoubtedly challenging, it can also be an opportunity for growth and empowerment. As individuals adapt to these new responsibilities, they may discover strengths they didn't know they had and develop a deeper sense of independence. Over time, this journey can lead to a renewed sense of purpose and confidence, helping the grieving person find their footing in a world that has been irrevocably changed. Though the path is not easy, it is one that can lead to healing and a greater appreciation for personal strengths and identities that emerge in the process. Now we will count to twelve and we will all keep still...What I want should not be confused with total inactivity. Life is what it is about...If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving, and for once could do nothing, perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves. -Pablo Neruda, Keeping Quiet
Last week, I was doing an exercise class that focused on the legs. We did one side, and by the time we switched to the opposite leg, my whole lower body felt sore! I didn't want to move to the right side of my body, as the left side already hurt enough. I considered giving up, when the instructor spoke up. "Instead of focusing on the pain you are currently in and what you have left," she said, "appreciate the work you have already done." In that moment, my perspective totally changed. Instead of dreading the work left to be done, I started appreciating the other side of my body. I may have even congratulated myself out loud. As I thought about the work my body had done physically, I found myself lost in a series of personal memories where I had become overwhelmed by the tasks ahead of me. How many times had I spent more time dreading an exam in college than actually studying for it? Or what about the times when I have known I needed counseling but refused to go out of fear of the work ahead. The dread and anxiety about the future can seem crippling and even lead to a type of paralysis. But What If We Slowed Things Down? Instead of ruminating about our own fear and discomfort surrounding the future, what might happen if we paused to celebrate the small decisions that helped us arrive at our present. Is there something in your near future that surrounds you with anxiety? Maybe it's a job you are nervous to apply for, or a conversation with a friend that you are dreading. Or perhaps it is the day-to-day that bogs you down. When my child was younger, I used to lie in bed and think, "there is no way I will have enough energy to make it through tomorrow." What if we slowed down our worry and replaced it with remembrance? What made you interested in the job you are nervous to apply for? What professional skills are you proud of? What work did you do to attain those skills? Take time to remember what you have done and celebrate your accomplishments. For the mother worried that she will never have enough energy for the next day, remember the work you did that morning! Did you wake up? did you change diapers? did you hold and nourish your child? celebrate the work you have already done. As we take time to celebrate our past accomplishments, we can be led to empowerment and find freedom from anxiety. Can you pause today to celebrate the small victories in your life? What have you done today that has led you to success? What about in the past week or month? At times, our minds are moving so quickly that it seems impossible to slow down to pause and remember. If this practice seems too daunting to you right now, it could be helpful to seek outside help from a counselor. Working with a counselor will not only help you to create more space to make decisions, but will also help reduce overall stress. If you can in this moment, I invite you to pause. Appreciate the work you have already done. Self-care is a fundamental aspect of maintaining overall well-being, especially for individuals navigating the complexities of trauma and its aftermath. As trauma specialists, We've witnessed the transformative power of self-care in supporting individuals on their healing journeys. In this blog post, we'll explore the definition of self-care, its significance in promoting nervous system healing, and practical strategies for incorporating self-care into your daily life.
At its core, self-care encompasses intentional actions and practices that nurture and replenish the mind, body, and spirit. It involves prioritizing your physical, emotional, and psychological needs, recognizing that caring for yourself is essential for resilience and vitality. Self-care is not selfish or indulgent but rather a vital aspect of maintaining balance and well-being, especially in the face of stress, trauma, and adversity. When it comes to trauma healing, self-care plays a crucial role in supporting the restoration of the nervous system. Traumatic experiences can dysregulate the autonomic nervous system, leaving individuals in a state of chronic stress, hypervigilance, or dissociation. Self-care practices act as soothing agents to the nervous system, signaling safety and relaxation in the midst of perceived threat. By engaging in self-care activities, individuals can promote nervous system healing, reduce stress levels, and cultivate a greater sense of inner peace and resilience. Practicing self-care involves tuning into your own needs and preferences and honoring them with compassion and kindness. It's about carving out time and space in your life to prioritize activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Self-care can take many forms, including physical activities like exercise, nourishing your body with healthy food, getting enough restorative sleep, engaging in relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation, and fostering connections with supportive relationships. As a trauma specialists, we often encourage clients to develop a personalized self-care plan that reflects their unique needs and preferences. This may involve experimenting with different self-care practices to discover what feels most nourishing and fulfilling for them. It's important to approach self-care with a spirit of curiosity, exploration, and self-compassion, recognizing that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being. Remember, self-care is not a luxury but a necessity for thriving in life, and you deserve to prioritize your own well-being. |
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