Written by Christian Swan, originally published on June 1, 2017
I mentioned the concept of self-care to a new mother a few weeks ago, and she just started laughing at me. Her eyes, darkened by lack of sleep, seemed to shine as she laughed and I couldn't tell if she was going to start crying or laughing louder. Does this woman sound familiar to you? Perhaps you have met this woman before, or she may even be the woman who stares at you in the mirror every morning. In the early days of motherhood, it can be difficult to separate the concept of caring for yourself versus your baby. Comparison, the thief of joy, may also sneak into your thoughts as you begin to see other mothers to "have it together" or have babies with easier temperaments. Self-care must be for those moms. Or maybe, as you compare, you begin to think that self-care is something only selfish people do. Don't these other mothers recognize that they have a child to take care of? Perhaps that should be taking priority over the self. I've heard some people refer to the early days of motherhood as "survival mode." As long as you survive that first year of motherhood, you are thriving. But what if I told you that self-care is actually an integral part of that survival? In fact, developing a good self-care practice may actually lead to true thriving instead of the feigned, half-crying, half-laughing insistence that you are doing okay. A Blow to your Expectations Before I became a mother, I would wake up every morning and have a two hour self-care ritual. I exercised for 30 minutes to an hour, cooked breakfast, made hot tea, and sat alone at the table while I enjoyed it. Pre-baby, this is how I would have defined self-care, because it was what nourished me best at the time. Becoming a mother required a shift in my expectations of what self-care would look like. There was absolutely no way this was going to happen after my baby was born (nor has it happened since), as my child seldom left my chest for the first several months of her life. The first step to creating a good self-care ritual postpartum is acknowledgement that self-care will not look the same. This may also involve a period of grief, where you take time to mourn the loss of self-care practices that worked well for you for so long. Creating New Rituals After you have taken time to grieve (and given yourself grace if this grief took longer than expected), one can begin to redefine self-care as it applies to postpartum life. Are there really ways that you can care for yourself in the first few weeks of motherhood? Yes! While self-care may not be a 2 hour morning routine, or an hour long run, or even a long evening out with girl friends, it is still possible to create meaningful rituals around self-care. Sometimes, self-care may look like mindfulness and self-compassion. As you nourish your baby, can you take time to notice the sensations in your body? Or, can you practice having compassion for yourself in the middle of the night when you feel too tired to move and the baby is crying again? Can you remind yourself that you are still a good mother if you are wishing you did not have to wake up every 2-3 hours? In my early days of motherhood, I developed my self-care rituals around our nursing schedule. Before nursing, I would notice if I had any needs first. Did I need another pillow behind my back? Did I need to have food in front of me? By creating comfort for myself before nursing, I was able to nurse my child more joyfully instead of focusing on my back pain/hunger/etc. It's possible that these recommended rituals don't resonate with you at all, but I invite you to take time today to think about what might be nourishing for you instead. You know yourself and your needs best, and I encourage you to listen to them. Remember Why Self-Care Matters It's very possible that you have read this and still do not believe self-care is necessary--that perhaps it is a luxury only afforded to some mothers. However, my hope is that all mothers will recognize how valuable self-care is, not only for your own mental health, but for your child as well! Do you remember hearing a flight attendant talk about putting an oxygen mask onto yourself before putting it on to your child? When I first heard this, I remember thinking that I would always put it on my child first. However, you can't care for your child if you are not breathing! The same concept applies regarding self-care. It is more difficult to give your child the best care he/she needs if you are not creating rituals that will help you thrive during the day. By taking time out of your day to care for yourself, you are setting yourself up for more success as an individual and as a parent. What are some ways that you can meaningfully take care of yourself during this new stage of life? If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed regarding the topic of self-care, it could be helpful to reach out to a trusted friend or a mental health professional who is trained in postpartum care. In this new and exhausting stage of life, you and your mental health do truly matter!
0 Comments
Self-care is a fundamental aspect of maintaining overall well-being, especially for individuals navigating the complexities of trauma and its aftermath. As trauma specialists, We've witnessed the transformative power of self-care in supporting individuals on their healing journeys. In this blog post, we'll explore the definition of self-care, its significance in promoting nervous system healing, and practical strategies for incorporating self-care into your daily life.
At its core, self-care encompasses intentional actions and practices that nurture and replenish the mind, body, and spirit. It involves prioritizing your physical, emotional, and psychological needs, recognizing that caring for yourself is essential for resilience and vitality. Self-care is not selfish or indulgent but rather a vital aspect of maintaining balance and well-being, especially in the face of stress, trauma, and adversity. When it comes to trauma healing, self-care plays a crucial role in supporting the restoration of the nervous system. Traumatic experiences can dysregulate the autonomic nervous system, leaving individuals in a state of chronic stress, hypervigilance, or dissociation. Self-care practices act as soothing agents to the nervous system, signaling safety and relaxation in the midst of perceived threat. By engaging in self-care activities, individuals can promote nervous system healing, reduce stress levels, and cultivate a greater sense of inner peace and resilience. Practicing self-care involves tuning into your own needs and preferences and honoring them with compassion and kindness. It's about carving out time and space in your life to prioritize activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Self-care can take many forms, including physical activities like exercise, nourishing your body with healthy food, getting enough restorative sleep, engaging in relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or meditation, and fostering connections with supportive relationships. As a trauma specialists, we often encourage clients to develop a personalized self-care plan that reflects their unique needs and preferences. This may involve experimenting with different self-care practices to discover what feels most nourishing and fulfilling for them. It's important to approach self-care with a spirit of curiosity, exploration, and self-compassion, recognizing that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being. Remember, self-care is not a luxury but a necessity for thriving in life, and you deserve to prioritize your own well-being. In the journey of healing from trauma, fostering self-compassion is not only crucial but also deeply transformative. Here, we delve into practical steps individuals can take to cultivate self-compassion as they navigate the complexities of trauma recovery.
1. Mindfulness Practices: Begin by cultivating awareness of your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judgment. Mindfulness allows you to observe your inner experience with curiosity and kindness, rather than getting caught up in self-criticism or rumination. Practices such as mindfulness meditation, body scans, and mindful breathing can help anchor you in the present moment and cultivate a compassionate attitude toward yourself. 2. Self-Kindness vs. Self-Criticism: Notice the ways in which you speak to yourself and challenge the inner critic with self-kindness. When faced with self-critical thoughts, imagine what you would say to a close friend experiencing similar struggles. Offer yourself words of encouragement, validation, and support, acknowledging that you are doing the best you can in challenging circumstances. 3. Self-Compassionate Self-Talk: Develop a repertoire of compassionate phrases or mantras to soothe and reassure yourself in times of distress. Repeat these phrases regularly, especially when facing triggers or difficult emotions. Examples include, "May I be kind to myself in this moment," "I am worthy of love and understanding," and "I am not alone in my struggles." 4. Cultivate a Supportive Inner Dialogue: Engage in a compassionate inner dialogue, acknowledging your experiences with empathy and understanding. Reflect on the ways in which you have shown resilience and strength in the face of adversity. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and recognize that healing is a journey that unfolds gradually over time. 5. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities and practices that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of fulfillment. Whether it's spending time in nature, practicing yoga, or connecting with loved ones, self-care is an essential aspect of self-compassion and healing. 6. Seek Support: Reach out for support from trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals who can offer validation, empathy, and guidance on your healing journey. Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and support you, and don't hesitate to ask for help when needed. By incorporating these practices into your daily life, you can cultivate a compassionate relationship with yourself that serves as a cornerstone of your healing journey. Remember, self-compassion is not about denying your pain or minimizing your experiences but rather embracing yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance as you navigate the path toward healing and wholeness. In the wake of trauma, amidst the pain and challenges, there exists a profound opportunity for growth and resilience known as post-traumatic growth (PTG). This transformative process involves finding meaning, cultivating resilience, and experiencing personal growth in the aftermath of adversity. When healing from trauma, it is essential to understand PTG and how it intertwines with the healing of the nervous system.
Post-traumatic growth is not about minimizing the impact of trauma or dismissing the pain it causes. Instead, it acknowledges that trauma can catalyze profound inner change and transformation. Through PTG, individuals may develop a deeper appreciation for life, experience increased personal strength, forge deeper connections with others, and discover new possibilities for growth and fulfillment. Central to the process of post-traumatic growth is the healing of the nervous system. Trauma can dysregulate the autonomic nervous system, leaving individuals in a state of chronic stress, hypervigilance, or dissociation. However, through interventions such as trauma-informed therapy, mindfulness practices, and somatic experiencing, it's possible to restore balance and resilience to the nervous system. These approaches help individuals regulate their stress responses, release stored trauma from the body, and cultivate a greater sense of safety and well-being. Fostering post-traumatic growth requires a safe and supportive therapeutic environment where individuals feel empowered to explore their experiences and emotions. By validating their struggles and offering tools for healing, therapists can guide clients on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Through compassionate listening, empathy, and unconditional positive regard, therapists can help individuals navigate the complexities of trauma and embrace the potential for growth and resilience. While the path to post-traumatic growth may be challenging, it offers hope and possibility for those who have experienced trauma. By embracing the journey of healing, individuals can cultivate resilience, find meaning in their experiences, and ultimately thrive in the face of adversity. For us therapists, it is a privilege to witness the resilience and strength of individuals as they embark on this transformative journey toward post-traumatic growth. In conclusion, post-traumatic growth is a testament to the human spirit's capacity for resilience and transformation. By understanding the role of the nervous system in trauma healing and creating a supportive therapeutic environment, trauma specialists can facilitate this process of growth and empowerment. Together, we can honor the courage and resilience of trauma survivors as they navigate the path toward healing, growth, and a renewed sense of purpose. When discussing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) with clients in the aftermath of their traumatic experience, we have noticed a recurring experience. Many times, clients who meet criteria for the diagnosis of PTSD understand this to mean that they will always suffer from the effects of their trauma. All too often, we see a shadow sweep over our client’s faces as shame and fear rise in their bodies. We want to help clarify this particular diagnosis with a message of hope. PTSD is not a lifelong chronic condition, rather a description of how our bodies work to restore safety after trauma. Let’s talk about Post Traumatic Stress and how we can use this information to work toward healing.
Post-traumatic stress (PTS) is a natural response to experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, impacting both mind and body. When confronted with trauma, the body's nervous system initiates a complex cascade of responses aimed at survival. Understanding the neurobiological impact of trauma can shed light on the symptoms individuals may experience, such as hypervigilance, flashbacks, and emotional dysregulation. Understanding PTS must involve the nervous system's role in trauma, which illuminates how our body reacts to perceived threats. Traumatic experiences can dysregulate the autonomic nervous system, leading to a state of hyperarousal or dissociation. This dysregulation can disrupt the body's ability to distinguish between real and perceived danger, resulting in ongoing feelings of fear and vulnerability. By learning about the nervous system processes at play, individuals can gain insight into their symptoms and recognize that they are not signs of weakness but rather adaptive responses to overwhelming circumstances. This knowledge can also inform treatment approaches, emphasizing interventions aimed at regulating the nervous system's stress response. Treatment for PTS often involves therapeutic modalities that target both the mind and body. Polyvagal theory helps to pay attention to nervous system signals and to use this information to create safety in the mind and body. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) helps individuals become skillful in mindfulness, emotional regulation, interpersonal skills and distress tolerance, while somatic experiencing focuses on releasing stored trauma from the body. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Brainspotting harness the brain's natural healing mechanisms to reprocess traumatic memories and alleviate distress. These approaches not only address psychological symptoms but also aim to restore balance to the nervous system. Despite the challenges posed by PTS, there is hope for recovery. With the right support and resources, individuals can learn to regulate their nervous system responses, reduce symptoms, establish safety and cultivate resilience. It's essential to approach treatment with compassion and patience, recognizing that healing is a gradual process that unfolds over time. In conclusion, understanding the neurobiological impact of trauma is crucial for navigating post-traumatic stress with compassion and efficacy. By integrating this knowledge into psychoeducation and treatment approaches, we can empower individuals to reclaim agency over their healing journey. Remember, recovery is possible, and there is hope for a brighter future beyond trauma's shadow. Next week’s blog post will be about Post Traumatic Growth. In the ups and downs of our lived experience, our nervous system translates and stores the impact of what we experience. Trauma disrupts the delicate balance of our nervous system, leaving behind discordant echoes that reverberate through our bodies, minds, and spirits. Today, we explore a healing journey informed by Polyvagal Theory, illuminating the pathways to safety and healing after trauma.
The Polyvagal Perspective on Trauma Polyvagal Theory, pioneered by Dr. Stephen Porges, offers a revolutionary lens through which to understand the impact of trauma on the nervous system. At its core lies the recognition that our autonomic nervous system – comprised of the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches – plays a pivotal role in regulating our responses to threat and safety. Trauma hijacks the autonomic nervous system, propelling us into states of hyperarousal or hypoarousal. Hyperarousal, characterized by the activation of the sympathetic "fight or flight" response, plunges us into a state of vigilance and reactivity. Conversely, hypoarousal triggers the parasympathetic "freeze" response, leading to dissociation and disconnection from our internal landscape. The Quest for Nervous System Safety In the aftermath of trauma, reestablishing physical, emotional and relational safety becomes top priority– not just as a concept but as a physiological imperative. Nervous system safety transcends mere physical refuge; it encompasses the restoration of neurophysiological equilibrium, allowing us to navigate the world with a sense of calm and connection. Central to Polyvagal Theory is the concept of ventral vagal engagement – a state of social engagement and connection fostered by the parasympathetic nervous system. Cultivating ventral vagal pathways is essential for re-establishing safety after trauma, facilitating intimacy, trust, and attunement in our relationships. In the realm of Polyvagal Theory, healing unfolds within the crucible of safe and supportive relationships. Co-regulation – the reciprocal exchange of physiological and emotional cues – serves as the cornerstone of healing, offering a roadmap for navigating the complexities of interpersonal connection with grace and compassion. Embodied Resilience and Empowerment Resilience, from a Polyvagal perspective, is not merely a psychological construct; it's an embodied state of being. Embodied resilience entails attuning to the wisdom of our bodies, harnessing the innate capacity for self-regulation, and integrating our experiences into the tapestry of our being with gentleness and acceptance. Empowerment begins with understanding. Polyvagal literacy equips us with the knowledge and insight to navigate the terrain of trauma with clarity and agency. It invites us to become fluent in the language of our nervous system, attuning to its cues and messages with curiosity and compassion. Nurturing Hope Through Nervous System Awareness In the vast expanse of trauma's aftermath, hope emerges as a guiding light – a beacon of possibility beckoning us towards healing and wholeness. Polyvagal awareness infuses hope with substance, grounding it in the neurophysiological realities of our embodied experience and illuminating the path towards transformation. In closing, the journey of healing after trauma, as illuminated by Polyvagal Theory, is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of connection. May we remember that healing is not just a destination but a sacred unfolding – a journey of rediscovery, reclamation, and profound self-compassion. So, to all those embarking on this nervous system healing path, know that you are not alone. Within the wisdom of your nervous system lies the map to healing and wholeness. And as you navigate the terrain of trauma with courage and grace, may you find solace in the knowledge that safety, connection, and resilience are not just within reach – they are your birthright. Embrace the journey, dear reader, for within its twists and turns lies the promise of a life reclaimed, a spirit renewed, and a heart restored to its truest rhythm. And it is our privilege to provide guidance, safety and relational support on the path of healing and restoration. Introducing Radical Acceptance Radical Acceptance is a core skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). This skill falls into the category of Distress Tolerance skills. We reach for this skill when we are navigating something big and hard in our life that is outside of our control or influence. The idea behind Radical Acceptance is that we can work to improve our wellbeing even in the midst of the big and hard things. To appreciate what Radical Acceptance can offer us, we must first understand the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is an inevitable part of being human in our world. We will all experience pain at different times in our life. Suffering, however, is caused when we make choices that make painful circumstances harder for ourselves. Radical Acceptance seeks to accept pain and reduce suffering. When we reduce suffering, we grow in emotional resilience and wellbeing. Understanding Radical Acceptance Radical Acceptance is the act of fully acknowledging and embracing reality without judgment or resistance. In other words, Radical Acceptance is a choice to stop fighting against reality. Likely something is happening in our life that is hard and beyond our ability to change it, and we are left with the decision to accept (radically) or reject the reality of the situation. The radical part of Radical Acceptance speaks to the complete and total nature of our choice to accept reality. Radical Acceptance is not resignation or apathy, rather it is a conscious choice to yield to what is real. Radical Acceptance also does not require our stamp of approval on the difficult circumstances, instead a simple acknowledgement that it exists and that we will stop fighting against it. Suffering comes when we fight against painful events that we don’t have the power to change, and Radical Acceptance offers us a peaceful alternative. Cultivating Radical Acceptance DBT offers us some step-by-step guidance on how to execute the choice to Radically Accept painful circumstances.
We can draw upon other DBT skills as tools to help us in this process. Mindfulness skills help us notice what is happening internally and externally and bring awareness to the present moment. Additionally, mindfulness skills call us to self-compassion and nonjudgmental observation of emotions. We may have an opportunity to reframe negative thoughts about our reality and notice growth opportunities or unexpected benefits. Some nourishing activities like journaling and spending time in nature can help promote acceptance. Often times, Radical Acceptance requires patience and practice, as most painful events will require us to choose acceptance over and over again. Disclaimer: Radical Acceptance is not an excuse for harmful or abusive dynamics, but it may be a starting point for being honest about the harm that exists. May this honesty open doors for healing and support. Written by Christian Swan on July 30, 2017
Last night, I had the opportunity to watch the Colorado Symphony perform the score from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets while the movie itself played behind them. It was a really fun night out with my sister-in-law, as we both love the Harry Potter series and also gained appreciation for the stunning John Williams score. As I reflect on the movie today, there is one line that continues to repeat in my head. At the end of Harry's confrontation with Lord Voldemort, Ginny Weasley is revived and Harry Potter's basilisk injury is healed. Harry looks up at Ginny and says "It's alright Ginny, It's over. It's just a memory." Harry and Ginny have just suffered immense traumas that included actual threat to their lives, and yet in this moment, the traumatic memory is consolidated. Harry recognizes that he is safe, and that the events will now only exist in a memory in his mind. The memory remains, but it has no power over him. In one line, Harry Potter summarized the goal of trauma therapy: successful recognition of one's safety. As many of us know, recognizing that you are safe after experiencing trauma is much easier said than done. Sure, you may have the cognitive realization that you are no longer in danger, but the nervous system often operates as if the trauma is ongoing. This sense of ongoing trauma manifests itself in the form of post-traumatic symptoms such as sleeplessness, panic attacks, flashbacks, irritability, fearfulness, or compulsive behavior. The goal of trauma therapy, then, is not only to know on a cognitive level that one is safe, but to develop coping skills around the post-traumatic symptoms so that the nervous system can start signaling that one is truly safe. Each individual heals from trauma differently. Some, like our friend Harry Potter, may integrate the traumatic story more quickly. However, others may continue to suffer from post-traumatic symptoms for months or years after the traumatic event. Where are you in your healing from trauma? Perhaps you have achieved complete healing and can say confidently, "This event happened to me and is part of my story, but it is now only a memory." Perhaps you are experiencing some of the symptoms I mentioned above. It's also possible that you fall somewhere in the middle. Some traumatized individuals may function at a high level, while frequently feeling blindsided by irritability, anxiety, or memories of the traumatic event. If you are considering whether or not you might pursue counseling for your trauma, I encourage you to think back on the event and try Harry's statement: "it's alright; it's over; it's just a memory." How does that sit with you? Are you able to believe yourself, visiting the memory from a distance, or do thoughts of the event trigger anxiety and fearfulness? If you responded with the latter, I want you to know that there is hope, and that you don't have to live a life haunted by your trauma. With counseling, you can begin the healing work of returning to a safe place not only in the world, but also within your own body. Written by Allison Harvey
Trauma survivors have gone through something that challenged every part of them, most significantly their sense of safety. Their needs are personal, unique to their personality and circumstances, and often quite delicate. Naming these needs creates space for trauma survivors to feel safe, work toward healing and maintain connection with loved ones. Physical Needs On a very basic level, trauma survivors have a need for safety and security. Through their traumatic incident(s), they learned to be on guard and watchful. Trauma survivors need a physical location where they can let their guard down and rest. Trauma survivors also need access to medical and psychological care—professionals to come alongside them and nurture their physical and emotional self back to health. Trauma survivors also need adequate nutrition and sleep. Tending to these basic needs helps to heal a nervous system that felt a strong lack of safety. Emotional Needs Those who have survived trauma(s) have a strong need for emotional understanding, empathy and validation. When they are ready to share about their story, they need to be received with compassion, support and validation that says “what you are feeling makes sense to me.” Trauma survivors can also be supported with emotional skills that help them navigate trauma triggers and a large emotional burden while they are healing. Social Needs Trauma healing happens within a safe, understanding and supportive relationship(s). Those who have survived trauma need their people to remain open to them. Trauma healing can be messy and indirect, so survivors need compassion and grace to learn to feel safe in relationships again. Survivors may need more accommodations so that they can stay regulated, and this may look like them setting boundaries or asking for certain changes. Connecting with others who are healing from trauma can be very beneficial as well. Psychological Needs Professionals who are supporting trauma survivors should be trauma-informed and have a path toward healing in mind. Psychological care should be gentle and paced by the survivor. Professionals should respect the trauma survivor’s wishes to tell their story or not, knowing that healing can happen either way. Trauma survivors benefit greatly from learning and practicing coping mechanisms and stress management techniques. All of these activities support the survivor to rebuild trust, regain resilience and personal strength. Written by Christian Swan on March 16, 2017
I still remember my exact location and can nearly return to the sensations I felt in my body the moment I got the text message. I remember reading the words, "active shooter," from my husband who was in his office on that sunny day in June. While my husband returned home safely that evening, there is no arguing that he suffered a major traumatic incident. In the days and weeks that followed, my husband and I received an overwhelming amount of support. Our phones were overloaded with text messages and calls from loved ones, and we even received a few free meals. I was very thankful for the community we had at the time, and yet noticed a common thread in all of the support we were receiving. "How is your husband? Is he doing better?" people would ask me. I would answer their questions, and they felt relieved to hear that my husband was healing well. However, I was still suffering, and I struggled to advocate for the support I needed at the time. As the loved one of a survivor of trauma, I also became a survivor of secondary/vicarious trauma. Secondary trauma occurs as a result of secondary exposure to traumatic content. When our loved ones are impacted by trauma, we want to listen to their story and help in any way possible. And yet, it is too easily to overlook the effects their stories have on our own bodies. These effects can manifest themselves in various ways, from sleep disturbance to irritability to excessive fear and worry. Do you have a loved one who recently survived a traumatic event? Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed and excessively tired as you seek to provide care. You may also find yourself struggling to find meaningful ways to support your loved one. Below are some ways that you can support yourself during this time: 1.) Honor your experience as a secondary survivor of trauma. Often, secondary survivors feel guilty when they become overwhelmed by their loved one's story. It is too easy to say, "I need to stop feeling badly because the trauma didn't happen directly to me." Instead, consider the effects that these stories are having on your body and take time to name your own traumatic experiencing. 2.) Seek activities that nourish you. Some ideas may be getting outside, practicing yoga or meditation, going to a concert, calling a close friend, or taking a nap. What activities help you feel refreshed? Pursue them. 3.) Consider professional counseling. Taking time to focus on your own experience will not only help you to heal but will also give you more freedom to care for your loved one. |
Archives
May 2024
Categories
All
|